


Red Lines

by RainbowKittn



Category: Ghostbusters (2016)
Genre: Blood, Gen, Introspection, Self Harm, but painful memories are still painful, everything is okay now, in memories only
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-31
Updated: 2016-10-31
Packaged: 2018-08-28 03:30:45
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 642
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8430145
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/RainbowKittn/pseuds/RainbowKittn
Summary: An accident in the lab triggers a painful memory for Holtzmann.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Even as I type this, I'm not sure I'm going to post this story. It was honestly an outlet for some of my own feelings more than an actual attempt at telling a story. But I'm considering posting it because it's there, and maybe someone else will relate to it and get some good from it. I don't know.
> 
> Please read the tags. This contains blood, self-harm, and painful flash-back style memories. This is dark. If any of that makes you uncomfortable, please hit the back button now.  
> It all ends up okay, though. I like to think that Holtz is happy now, and I hope that's portrayed in this.

Holtzmann’s brain constantly swims with new ideas. It’s chaotic at times, but the swirling thoughts lead to some of her best ideas. Today, a single thought yells out to her above the din: ion signature. If she can just narrow down and lock onto the ion signature of an entity, then they might be able to locate ones hiding in larger buildings instead of having to just wander around. It could save them a lot of time, if some of the recent busts are any indication of what is to come. Her feet feel sore just at the thought. So, there she stands, hunched over a table, surrounded by metal and paper. She mutters to herself about storing data to track trends while marking lines on an old speaker housing.

Holtz sways absentmindedly as the music track changes. Farther down the room, the rest of the team sits discussing… a new theory? Holtz isn’t sure. She’s pretty sure they tried to ask her something a while ago, but she hadn’t even realized until much later. The thought swirled around to the front of her brain much too late to be helpful. They don’t seem too upset about it, though, so she doesn’t worry about it.

Holtzmann pulls her goggles down over her eyes and grabs a saw. A single curl of her hair falls in front of her face as she cuts off a piece of metal that would just get in the way of what she wants to do. Suddenly, it flings off in a direction she hadn’t anticipated (she must have hit a hidden weld) and scrapes across her forearm. She sighs, sets down the saw, and looks down at the damage.

Everything stills. A thin line weeps red, although it looks strangely orange behind her tinted lenses. It stands out against her pale skin, and even paler scars marking her forearm. The room spins as her thoughts tirade against her.

~~~~~

A young Jillian sits on the cold tile floor. Her back presses against the bathroom door. The screaming outside the door falls away as she stares at a thin piece of metal in her hand. Most people would just think of it as scrap, but Jillian knows better. She pushes up her left sleeve. Angry red lines stand out from the porcelain skin. Her thoughts buzz, swarming bees coming at her, attacking her, stinging her. She presses the edge of the innocuous-appearing metal to a bare patch of her forearm. The swarm starts to subside and she presses harder. Red dots start to appear, quickly turning into drops, running down her arm. Another line and her thoughts stop making her ears ring. Another and they become bearable. Another and they start to make sense. Another and they still all together.

Nothingness embraces Jillian. A void; empty of thoughts, of feelings, of pain. She floats. Everything is simple, easy, nothing. No harm. No fear. Her head falls back against the door. Lines of blood trickle slowly down her arm. Her eyes close and she just breathes the stillness.

The door suddenly jolts against her back.

“Jillian! Get the hell outta there!”

The darkness shatters around her. Tears fall down her cheeks, and the buzzing starts again.

~~~~~

“Oh my god! Holtz!” Soft hands grab at her arm, pulling it out to lay on the table. Holtz looks up to a crease between the eyebrows of her favorite redhead.

“Here.” Abby hands over a scrap cloth (one she’s fairly sure is clean) to Erin, who quickly presses it to Holtz’s arm as Patty runs to grab the first aid kit.

“Are you okay?” Concern fills Erin’s soft blue eyes. Warm thoughts wrap around Holtz and she takes a deep breath.

“Yeah, I’m good now.” Holtz smiles softly, and Erin returns it.

A single thought sticks out to Holtzmann above the noise; family.

**Author's Note:**

> If you have self harm or suicidal thoughts, please do yourself a favor and seek out professional help. Someone loves you and wants you to be happy, I promise. But, I know that can be hard to do...
> 
> If you have self harm or suicidal thoughts, or painful memories and would like to talk to someone in a non-professional capacity (or just generally want to talk), I would be happy to listen and help if I can. rainbowkittn.tumblr.com


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